“I’m a Blue Mage” and Other Baffling Responses to Girlfriend’s Inquiries about Her Missing Underwear
SEATTLE, Wash. — Local power couple Lamar Smith and Keke Umbridge found themselves in the throes of a heated discussion…
Magic: The Gathering
Rigged Magic Arena Shuffler Also Main Cause of Erectile Dysfunction
A newly published study concluded that the undoubtedly rigged shuffler in Magic Arena is not only the rationale for every…
Cowboy Theme Selected for New Magic: The Gathering Set Instead of Fireman or Slutty Nurse
RENTON, Wash. — Insider sources showed reporters how Wizards of the Coast arrived at the decision to proceed with the…
Wizards of the Coast Adds Optional ‘Have a Cry’ Phase Before End Step
RENTON, Wash. — Magic: The Gathering’s turns are divided into phases which guide players through the process of playing lands,…
Guy Emphasizes Each of His Reanimator Plays by Muttering ‘Just Like Jesus’
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — Remus Burrough, armed with his Nethroi, Apex of Death commander deck, sat down for a casual…
Guy Who Sorts His Bulk Still Going to Buy The Common Rather Than Look For It
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Resident Baker Williamson took to the internet to buy a playset of a commons he needs,…
Cousin Positive Your Cards Were Already Stuck Together Like That When He Borrowed Them
LAS VEGAS, Nev. — Shawn Billsworth felt an obligation to help his younger cousin, Ian Sarkin, with his newfound love…
Why Not? Sewer Clown Offering to Sell Power 9 at Reasonable Price
A breaking story about a local sewer clown offering to sell mint copies of the coveted Magic: The Gathering cards…
Opinion: If You Can Afford A Kitchen Big Enough to Fit a Whole Table You Can Afford to Play a Real Format
I’m sick of it. I’m done. People referring to the most casual form of Magic: The Gathering as “kitchen table”….
Help: My Partner Called Me an Annoying Stax Player During Sex and Now it’s the Only Way I Can Orgasm
My partner and I’s sex life has always been vanilla, so we decided to spice things up a bit. During…