The fellowship of Randarin has been traversing through the vast terrain of Lomiria for weeks, charged with a quest to find an ancient artifact of incredible power. Though steadfast, the party’s leader hasn’t spared a single moment for himself or his party members to stop long enough to take a shit in the last several weeks.
“It’s what the tent item is for,” said Tamia, her words causing her enormous breasts to bounce for whatever reason. “Using a tent heals everyone and moves the in-game clock to the next day. It gives us time to rest and take care of ourselves. We keep asking Axeard, the protagonist, to use them once in a while but he keeps saying he’s saving them. For what? We haven’t slept since we got roped into following him.”
The group detailed the protagonist’s traumatic past which likely served as the catalyst for the party leader’s overly headstrong attitude.
“I get that he’s overeager and has something to prove. This is a JRPG after all, so maybe it’s also stemming from the fact that his parents just died. And yes, he’s technically correct that it’s more efficient to use the ridiculous number of low-level health potions that drop every single fight. The bad news for us is we’re all terribly constipated since fiber isn’t an ingredient for crafting them. Which is all well and good as if we could take a dump, we wouldn’t have time to do so. We’ve been walking in this same tiny square of woods for the last three weeks fighting the same four iterations of monsters over and over again.”
Though their progress has been extraordinary due to the incessant grinding, it has come at a cost.
“Tamia, the party’s healer has chronic back and shoulder pain. The fact that she’s being force fed mana potions to spam heals in order to keep the party moving and fighting indefinitely should be criminal. When we run out of mana potions, Axeard drags us to the nearest inn, forces all to go to sleep immediately, then heads out the door as soon as we wake up to stock up on more mana potions using all the gold we collected from inside dead monster corpses. This process has repeated ad nauseum. I started refusing to fight, but realized we’re leveled so far beyond anything we’re fighting I cannot die even if I stand there doing nothing.”
At time of press, Tamia was moments away from relief when the party appealed to her sense of duty and solidarity with the party.