After witnessing the unique way Unity is milking its own base of creators, OnlyFans has followed suit, implementing a flat fee to creators for each erection caused by their sexiness.
“If you tabulate all the money spent on gaining erections around the world… well we never learned how to count that high. But it’s a lot. Do you have any idea how much money is spent on dick pills? Not only the official ones but gas station dick pills too! OnlyFans executives realized that with so much money being collected on boners, we were due for our share. As such, starting January 1st, 2024, we will be charging a modest, flat-fee to our creators every time someone watching their content pitches a tent.”
OnlyFans creators responded to the controversial decision.
“How am I supposed to regulate how many boners my subscribers get? If I do something irresistibly hot and cause millions of people to start chubbing out, how can I afford that? What idiot thought punishing us by charging us for being successful was a good idea? The only way this makes any rational sense is that whatever fuckwit corporate overlord came up with this idea hasn’t been able to get hard without medical intervention in some time. Yes, I am sure this individual has a very good idea what his own boner is worth because he’s paying for each one.”
While the fee is going to content creators, and not fans of those content creators, they’re still supporting their favorites.
“I honestly didn’t give two shits until people started deleting their naked stuff. Now I give three shits. Or I give one? I’m not sure how that works. I spend a lot of time jerking off online and not much else, so this is the mostest words I’ve strung together in a really long time. I just know that if the titties go away, I may be inclined to actually leave the house for once and do something about it.”
Rumors are circulating on various conspiracy forums that the decision was made due to the extreme likelihood that this will undoubtedly feature ladies getting naked in public to protest.