A new RPG called Whaletales: Ecstatic Electric Balugaloo sports a robust character creator able to highly customize every aspect of the player’s character. Everything about the character can be customized including dick size which, for whatever reason, has a massive impact on how your character interacts with the world.
“We didn’t set out to make a dick-size-matters RPG, but it worked great in development. Until this point dick size wasn’t more than a cosmetic choice. However, in WEEB every action has a consequence and impacts the world at large. Sometimes as a result of the size of your dangly bits. NPCs will modify their behavior toward you based on dialogue choices and appearance. Let’s be honest, protagonist or not, rescuing a princess and wooing an entire kingdom is going to be a lot harder if you resemble an Oompa Loompa with elephantiasis.”
WEEB developer Mike Christianson detailed the specific gameplay changes one might expect due to their choice of endowment.
“You’re going to notice drastic differences while playing based on how you size your dangle at the start,” said Christianson. “For example, if you go the baby dick route your character will attempt to prove themselves worthy in every interaction and try way too hard when attempting to romance other characters. Though there are no difficulty settings in WEEB, the game becomes more difficult the smaller your pecker. To be clear if you choose to go small, you’re not completely shafted. It’s worth it for the raised pickup truck starter mount. On the contrary, sizing up your sausage means your protagonist will end up being fairly chill and ends up with a 2012 Corrolla mount at level 30.”
Due to the drastic differences in outcome due to a character’s physical appearance, WEEB’s developers decided to code some in-game loopholes so all the game’s content will be available to all players.
“We decided to include in-game items akin to gas station dick pills to give your unfortunate character a temporary bonus. This way, content previously unavailable will become accessible. While we won’t go into spoilers, there is a hidden enchantress players can find during their journey who can make specific alterations to their character, if they can complete her challenges. One of which is a seven-minute long cutscene where she points at your crotch and laughs and laughs and laughs.”
Early reviews of Whaletales: Ecstatic Electric Balugaloo are generally positive, citing its deep and impactful customization, though players report that dick-size doesn’t matter so much at the end game after hoarding a ton of items and currency.