Male Birth Control – Sure, there are far more precise methods to put the responsibility of birth control on the man in the relationship, but none are as fun. It’s worth noting that we took inspiration from Method Man and Raekwon’s epic discussion at the beginning of “Method Man” on 36 Chambers. Blaow!
Affordable Housing – when negotiating rent or mortgage rates it’s always helpful to have leverage. Good credit and a sizable reserve of liquid assets are always helpful in these situations, but a hammer the size of a $500k New York apartment is better than any real estate lawyer.
School Shootings – until the obvious solution is reached, we’ll have to settle for asinine ideas like bulletproof backpacks. Not only could arming every teacher with a big-ass hammer dissuade any potential psychopaths from doing the unthinkable but would serve as a magnificent motivator for children unable to stay focused and on task.
Political Strife – fun fact: big-ass hammers are staunch representatives of the Party of Run Your Mouth and Get Your Shit Fucked Up. When you elect a big-ass hammer to represent you, do you so knowing all those jerks working to mess everything up for personal gain will end up on with their organs gerrymandered.
Traffic – while you won’t be able to do much about morning gridlock on the 405, you will have an easier time moving between lanes with a hammer big enough to make Cloud Strife’s sword feel threatened sticking out of your trunk. Works great with traffic stops too.
Consent – Do you know when no means no? Always, of course. But for those who need a reminder, or a little convincing, a big-ass hammer can do wonders for establishing and enforcing boundaries. Just be careful the next time you ask “wanna smash” as the outcome could be entirely different than what you had in mind.
IT Support – Have you tried turning it off, then on again? Have you tried hitting it with a big-ass hammer? Percussive maintenance can easily solve a variety of tech related issues. The best part is, when using a big-ass hammer, if it doesn’t work, you’re stuck buying new stuff. Dang.