BURLINGTON, V.T. — Magic: The Gathering confirmed that the exile zone, long thought to be a formless, desolate void, is actually a lot more fun than it sounds due to the presence of a GameCube with four controllers and a well-curated library of games.
“It’s true,” said local Magic player and self-proclaimed exile expert, Brian Ledger. “I cast Ephemerate on my Archaeomancer and he went to exile but never came back. I waited a good twenty minutes before I went to look. Dudes just in there, chilling out, playing Melee with Mulldrifter, Atraxa, and Satoru. I didn’t know what to do…”
This development has sparked a wave of questions among MTG enthusiasts, particularly about what it means for gameplay.
“I always thought exile was just a waiting room,” said avid Commander player Julie Horton. “But now my Archon of Cruelty is snacking on some pizza rolls while speedrunning Luigi’s Mansion instead of re-entering the battlefield. I’m not even mad, really. I get it.”
Wizards of the Coast has declined to confirm or deny the existence of the console but issued a statement urging players to focus on the strategic implications of exile rather than its amenities.
“We designed exile as a key gameplay mechanic,” said a spokesperson. “Its functionality is what matters, not what creatures are doing while inside. That being said we’ve noticed Rest in Peace rise 500% in value and is now a main deck staple, though it’s unconfirmed if it’s related.”
At time of press, Ugin, the Spirit Dragon was seen being followed around by thousands of creatures carrying enough loyalty counters and proliferate spells to send most of the multiverse into exile.