Foundations is a new Magic: The Gathering set that brings a host of new cards, stunning artwork, and familiar characters. While much has been said about the new expansion across MTG’s social sphere our Mom wants to know why, in the name of the multiverse, is Vivien Reid running around without a proper jacket?
“She looks like she’s about to catch her death,” Mom said while flipping through a card binder with a disapproving glare. “I get it. She’s outdoorsy, has a magical bow, and loves wolves or whatever, but those wolves come with fur. She doesn’t.”
We explained to Mom that Vivien is a superpowered, near-immortal being called a Planeswalker though that did little to dissuade her line of critique.
“Planeswalker, eh? She needs to planeswalk herself to a coat store. She’s clearly a modest woman. No chest hanging out. Leaving a lot to the imagination. I like her. Imagine her in a nice forest green fleece-lined parka. Stylish and warm. Look at Bloodthirsty Conqueror. Arms, shoulders, and chest covered. Plus, an extra layer of fabric on top of it all. She should take a page out of their book.”
When asked to weigh in on the broader game, or if she had any insights about any other cards. Mom dismissed us entirely.
“I don’t know who’s battling who or why. I really don’t care. I don’t know why you spend all your time and money on this nonsense. But I do know this: frostbite doesn’t care about any of that either. It’ll take your limbs and fingers all the same.”
At press time, Mom had reportedly decided that until Vivien Reid finds appropriate attire, she would be rooting for whoever looks like they planned for the weather.