BALTIMORE, Md. – Local Magic: The Gathering player, Alex Henderson’s recent rant about how every MTG mechanic is just a variation of Kicker caused a debate among his friends. Friend, Steve Myers, reminded Henderson of the keyword toxic that directs players to throw a hysterical fit.
“I feel like I’m always reminding people of this whenever this asinine assertion is made. It’s like everyone conveniently forgets there’s a whole mechanic for my emotional meltdowns due to board wipes or unfair enchantments.”
Myers’s friends know he’s mistaken but decided not to say anything.
“One Commander night Steve was way behind. He’s an alright guy but he’s not a very good loser. Anyway, he starts whining and stomping his feet when he realized Gary had lethal. Gary said Steve was being toxic. Through some rather impressive mental gymnastics Steve was able to deflect the criticism, creating an entirely new definition of the existing toxic keyword. I thought about correcting him, but the group thought letting this play out would be entertaining.”
“I’m just playing the game the way it’s meant to be played,” said Myers. “If my cards say I have to flip the table and storm out of the room because Gary top decked well, I’m not the one being a baby. Don’t hate the player and all that, remember? Also, I’m pretty sure that explaining how my cards work in a condescending tone is a mechanic too, right? It’s gotta be.”
At time of press, Myers was seen at FNM explaining to his opponent how the persist mechanic requires him to explain why his opponent only won because he’s a filthy, lazy netdecker.