RENTON, W.A. — Amidst the surge in demand, described as “completely foreseeable by literally everyone,” Wizards of the Coast has announced that they will generously increase production of the upcoming Secret Lair x Dungeons & Dragons to an astounding twenty-eight whole units.
The announcement comes in response to widespread disappointment after all fifteen units of Secret Lair x Monty Python sold out in mere nanoseconds.
“We heard fans loud and clear,” said Wizards spokesperson Kara Wiggins, confidently addressing a virtual sea of disappointed players. “That’s why we’re going all out and printing thirteen additional units. That’s right—thirteen more scalpers will be able to gouge the ever-loving shit out of you!”
Players, who had barely recovered from the trauma of missing out on the greatest printing of Prodigal Sorcerer were reportedly thrilled by the prospect of possibly being one of the chosen few to snag the exclusive drop.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said die-hard D&D and MTG fan Brian Collins. “Twenty-eight units? That’s almost thirty! My chances of getting one just went from impossible to, like, slightly less impossible. If they really wanted to make a difference, they’d bump it up to thirty units. Or even—dare I say—thirty-five. But I get it, WotC are just doing what they can, which apparently isn’t much. Maybe they’re drawing all the cards by hand or something. Who can say?”
Despite an overwhelming amount of criticism, Wizards of the Coast maintain that they are acting on tangible data.
“Come on, we know what you guys want way better than you guys do,” Wiggins explained. “Our data showed overwhelming positive feedback of our one-of-one copy of The One Ring. We want fans to experience this again and again. We’re looking forward to fans eagerly sharing their experiences with the Secret Lair product, so what better way to entice feedback than the crushing disappointment of waiting in line for something you’ll never get?
At press time, Wizards of the Coast was rumored to be creating a Secret Lair x Star Trek with a print run of zero copies.