ST. PAUL, Minn. — A recent study suggests that a person’s desirability can be attributed directly to their ability to concisely and confidently explain the “Horsemanship” mechanic.
Witnesses at Friday Night Magic were stunned as unassuming player Michael Thompson casually dropped an explanation of Horsemanship that was so clear, so utterly devoid of confusion, that half the room reportedly developed the urge to dry hump Thompson’s leg.
“One minute we were talking about the weather, and the next, Michael just slides in with this perfectly articulated breakdown of Horsemanship,” said fellow player Bobby Lopez. “I didn’t even know what Horsemanship was, but now, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him which is weird because I’m straighter than pole I suddenly want to dance on while he watches.”
For those unfamiliar with Horsemanship—a mechanic from the Portal Three Kingdoms set that’s somehow both simple and baffling.
“I didn’t know he had it in him, but now I hope he does,” said Kevin Harris, who, despite not being Michael’s usual type, found himself suddenly smitten. “Horsemanship may sound simple enough, but for whatever reason it’s difficult to articulate. The best way I can put is that horsemanship is a lot like Michael’s rizz. You either have it, or you don’t.”
At press time, Thompson was reportedly ripped to pieces by screaming fans after a flawless explanation of the difference between damage and loss of life.