UPSTATE, N.Y. – Local woman Julie Carter has recently identified a new, potentially relationship-ending red flag: her new boyfriend’s irritating habit of never tapping his cards sideways enough.
“Josh never taps his cards all the way sideways,” Julie sighed. “It’s always at this slight angle, like he’s too good to fully commit. It’s driving me nuts. Sometimes I wonder if I’m overthinking it. But am I? Is it weird that he never offers me the chance to shuffle his deck? Am I expecting too much?”
Carter’s friends were eager to chime in with their own experiences.
“I dated a guy who did that once,” said friend Sarah Martinez. “Turns out he also couldn’t commit to finish watching The Umbrella Academy either and had eight alarms go off in the morning before he got out of bed. Eight. It’s so weird how someone can never give you an opportunity to respond to a spell and you just look right past it. How did I miss all the signs?”
Carter’s other friends suggested her boyfriend’s tapping style hints at deeper, hidden, issues.
“It’s like a window into his soul,” said habitually-single, arm-chair relationship expert, Emma Lee. “It’s a clear indication that he simply cannot handle the complexities of a real relationship. I asked Julie if she had ever seen him pilot a Storm deck. If not, she’s wasting her time and should come over and hang out with me so we can laugh at all those depressed women in relationships and drink out of my set of comically-large wine glasses.”
At time of press Julie decided to end things with Josh after his insistence she didn’t win against his deck, rather his deck lost him the game and she got lucky.