QUEENS, N.Y. – A Queens wedding took an unexpected turn when guest, Christina Miles arrived dressed in Colossal Dreadmaw, clearly intending to steal the spotlight from Bride, Josie Elliano.
“When I walked in and saw Christina going Dressmaw I thought, ‘That bitch. Oh my god. I love her.’ I knew this wedding was going to be nuts,” attendee Susan Walters said. “Don’t get me wrong. Josie was stunning. Hair? Did. Make-up? Immaculate. But did she have trample? Christina knew that. She knew it and fucking did it. Probably because Josie fucked her boyfriend in high school. But when it comes to the list of people that hate Josie… you’re gonna need one of those long CVS receipts to write down all those names.”
Dressmaw drew attention immediately. Selfies were taken. Autographs were given.
“It was like having a celebrity at the wedding,” best man Kevin Miller said. “People were like, ‘Get dressmaw over here!’ you know. I took at least five photos with it. I hope the ones with me and Josie came out great. Wait, did I take any pictures with her?”
The bride, who had spent several long hours planning her wedding, expressed frustration.
“That bitch wore it out of spite. I was originally going Dreadmaw and went white instead. For Shawn,” said Elliano. “I tried to explain to him how going Dreadmaw meant you really meant what you were doin’. But he was just like, ‘Wear white, dumb bitch.’ God, I love him. Anyway, I told Laura about it and she can’t keep her mouth shut. So, of course Christina found out before I told Shawn. Ugh. I told that bitch I don’t even know which which boyfriend she’s talkin’ about.”
After the building tension lead to an altercation everyone fully expected and prepared for, marking Dressmaw as one of the most talked about event in Queens this year.