In a move set to upend the time-worn tradition of a coin-flip to determine who plays first, Wizards of the Coast have revised the ruling to determine who is on the play: the deck with highest cumulative secondary market value.
“Many fans waiting to purchase Secret Lair X Monty Python and The Holy Grail were disappointed when they learned the cards had sold out,” said WotC spokesperson, Amelia Gibbons. “Fans then asked why we stopped printing cards to order in favor of supplying scalpers. We knew we had to make something up. And fast.”
Like so many other questionable moves, WotC decided to pull an answer from its in-office top hat of canned responses, colloquially referred to as the “oh shit, they mad” hat.
“The reason we’re more concerned with secondary market value of our cards than supplying products to our fans is…” called Gibbons as she unrolled the fortune-cookie sized response, “the player whose deck has the higher secondary market value now plays first.”
The move called for a new phase. Now after the draw step, but before the first main phase, players will check TCGplayer for their deck’s current value. Responses from the community due to this change were expectedly mixed.
“I think it’s about time those of us with deep pockets and unresolved childhood trauma, eliciting hoarder-adjacent behavior, got our long overdue acknowledgment. People are over-reacting. Why shouldn’t the person whose second mortgage funded a serialized-only Modern deck get rewarded?”
In response to the news American superstar Post Malone released a new single called “Posty Always Goes First”.