Local MTG nerd Gary Perkins displaced the last remaining family photo on the living room shelf to make space for yet another Satin Tower. The move came soon after Perkins decided to make the beloved card game his whole ass personality.
“It was a tough choice, but my Eldrazi deck needed a home,” said Perkins. “My wife was pretty pissed about it. I tried to explain how magic cards are way more fun than a stupid picture, but she wouldn’t listen. I don’t get the big deal. I know what my family looks like. I literally see them every day.”
Perkins’ wife explained how her husband’s hobby became an issue.
“I wholly support my husband’s hobbies,” said Perkins’ wife, Susan. “In fact, I was the one who encouraged him to start playing since I thought it would be healthy for him to get out of the house and meet new people. It was great for a while, but then he kept buying more and more cards to keep in these plastic boxes. Now they’re everywhere. I asked how it’s possible to need so many decks of cards when he plays once every couple weeks. His eyes sort of glazed over then he shook his head and stomped out of the room.”
Without prompt, Perkins decided to audibly justify his decision further.
“Do you have any idea how many decks I could fit into the space used by a framed 12-inch by 12-inch picture? I’m not good with measuring stuff but I expect a lot. At least four commander decks I bet. That way if four magic players come over and don’t have any decks we can still play. I’ll be honest, it’s never happened before, and it probably won’t, but I’d rather be prepared than nostalgic about the people I live with.”
At time of press, Perkins ended up the “list’s” newly included divorce papers out of a booster but is pretty stoked about it since he received the foil version.