Wizards of the Coast announced a drastic change to the structure of a Magic: The Gathering card. Historically, a card’s mana cost was located at the top right corner. Starting with the next set, a card’s mana cost will now be located on the crotch.
“Mana cost icons are circles, so they look like testicles when you have two of them,” explained Mark Rosewater. “Why would we put testicles on the top right corner of a card when they should go on the crotch? Honestly, I have no idea why it took us thirty years to realize our mistake. Given that some cards have more or less than two testicles haven’t dissuaded us because a single or multi-ball character or creature is just as hilarious.”
Wizards expanded on how the change will impact production of new cards.
“We realize that some art may not have a crotch to put its mana cost in, which is why we’re implementing advanced AI trained on millions of groins to ensure that all cards have some kind of feature resembling the nether regions. We’ve been calling this new card treatment ‘tainted’ around the office. Cards new and old will receive a tainted version moving forward.”
In addition to new versions, special showcase versions of tainted cards will contain features never-before-seen on a magic card.
“Now, every time someone casts a spell players can now comment on how they must be staring at a crotch. Our collector’s boosters will contain tainted versions of cards with sound chips that mutter phrases like ‘You like what you see, huh?’ whenever a tainted card is cast. We also want to clarify that female-presenting characters in a cards art will also have a crotch-cost, as will all manner of mythical beast.”