MTG fans everywhere are calling for Wizards of the Coast to give John Matthews of Warwick, RI his own Universes Beyond treatment. A petition circulating among various online circlejerks reached 50k signatures, sparking debate as to whether WotC would ever take the recommendation seriously.
“We don’t even know who that is, or why he matters,” said the walking alliteration and WotC spokesperson Samantha Samuel Samson. “A bunch of us googled the name and nothing came up beside a bunch of criminal records associated with that name. Yes, we’ve seen posts about it on reddit and twitter, but still have no idea what anyone is talking about.”
Fans online are just as confused.
“If enough people online say they want something, or like something, I’m apt to agree. Though I have no idea who this person is or what they have to do with anything, I’m giving the movement my full support. It’s clear this person is important otherwise why would anyone be talking about him? It’ll probably make sense once WotC previews some cards from his set, so I’m going to spam every official MTG twitch chat about it until I get some answers.”
The people behind the petition explain the unexpected popularity.
“John Matthews is a man who has accomplished almost nothing his entire life. Besides few menial jobs and suggestively short-term relationships there’s really nothing interesting to say about him. He’s about as interesting as his name and photo suggest, even less so if you ever meet the man in person. We heard a few people tracked him down to ask what it felt like to be the focus of so many in the MTG community. John said he doesn’t even know what Magic: The Gathering is. I can’t think of anyone more deserving of their own Magic: The Gathering set.”