Breaking: LGS’s Toilet Working Again
We can shit again.
2024
My Mom’s Foundations Set Review: “Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket”
Foundations is a new Magic: The Gathering set that brings a host of new cards, stunning artwork, and familiar characters….
Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump announced today the appointment of Yawgmoth as Surgeon General of the United States. Yawgmoth,…
Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America’s New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping
Let’s face it: Magic: The Gathering has all the components of a great American sport—it’s competitive, strategic, expensive, and boasts…
Vatican Claims ‘Modern Day Miracle’ After Cash for ‘Foundations’ Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate
VATICAN CITY — In what is being hailed as a “modern day miracle,” the Vatican released a statement Wednesday after…
Magic: The Gathering Enthusiast, Sensing Nearby Mate, Sprouts Colorful Plumage of Alpha Basics
PORTLAND, O.R. — Local Magic: The Gathering pro Jeremy Wells reportedly sprouted a vibrant plumage of Alpha basic lands upon…
“Mhm. Okay. Yup.” EDH Newcomer Just Going To Pretend They Understood All That
AUSTIN, TX — During a local Commander night, newcomer Tracy Goldman reportedly spent an entire evening masquerading as an experienced…
So Sweet: MTG Veteran Seen Regurgitating Partially Digested Starter Deck Into Newcomer’s Mouth
BOISE, I.D. — In a heartwarming display of mentorship and community spirit, local Magic: The Gathering veteran Jake Phillips was…
All MTG Mechanics are Kicker? What About The One That Directs Me to Throw a Hysterical Fit?
BALTIMORE, Md. – Local Magic: The Gathering player, Alex Henderson’s recent rant about how every MTG mechanic is just a…
Russian Forces Flee After Gargantuan Carly Mazur Faithless Looting Begins its Advance
DONETSK, Ukraine — Russian forces reportedly fled in terror after Ukraine’s giant Mazur Faithless Looting began its slow advance into…