Breaking: Cerealized Cards Become Worthless in Milk
LUBBOCK, Texas — With the introduction of cerealized cards alongside the release of The Brothers’ War, players had the opportunity…
2023
Funko Trading Cards Depicting Magic: The Gathering Cards to Get Secret Lair Treatment, Potentially Causing a Feedback Loop that May Cause The Simulation Running Reality to Crash
In a recent event that may cause reality itself to implode, Funko Trading Cards which depict characters from Magic: The…
Flocks of TikTokers to Begin Silently Pointing and Nodding at Wilds of Eldraine Spoilers
With spoiler season underway for Wilds of Eldraine, the highly anticipated expansion for Magic: The Gathering, TikTok content creators are…
Exclusive: Meet the Wizards of the Coast Employee Who Sets MTG Prices by Pretending to Work as Their Boss Walks By
Hello, my name is Sheryl O’Terra and I work for the financial side of Wizards of the Coast, specifically for…
No Ragrets: Local Man Unveils Pauper EDH Rule Zero Tattoo
Pauper Commander enthusiast Richard Brandon unveiled his new tattoo last Tuesday. According to uncomfortable sources now distancing themselves from Brandon,…
Is it a Misprint or is the Flavor Text Supposed to Chide Me About My Sugar Intake?
With so many Magic: The Gathering cards being printed on a daily basis there are bound to be printing errors…
Foil Infant Placed Under Stack of Heavy Books
BEDFORD, Conn. — Becky and Paul Legume welcomed baby Pippy to the world last week. The couple were thrilled to…
How to Save Money on Magic: The Gathering by Giving Your Credit Card to Harlow, The Thrifty Neighborhood Squirrel
In the throes of addiction, it can be hard to know when to stop. To know when it’s too much….
“I’m a Blue Mage” and Other Baffling Responses to Girlfriend’s Inquiries about Her Missing Underwear
SEATTLE, Wash. — Local power couple Lamar Smith and Keke Umbridge found themselves in the throes of a heated discussion…
Rigged Magic Arena Shuffler Also Main Cause of Erectile Dysfunction
A newly published study concluded that the undoubtedly rigged shuffler in Magic Arena is not only the rationale for every…