MTG Influencer Announces ‘This Board Wipe is Brought to You by Charmin’
Yet another mainstay of the MTG influencer sphere has announced they plan on coaxing their legions of adoring fans into…
2023
Bronies Release Handy Guide for Cleaning Protein Stains Off Magic: The Gathering’s “My Little Pony” Cards for No Reason in Particular
A prominent group of Bronies has released a meticulously detailed guide on how to remove protein stains from the limited…
cEDH Therapist Urges Patients Struggling with Mental Health to ‘Git Gud’
Dr. Martha Richards, a licensed therapist and avid cEDH player, has unveiled a revolutionary therapeutic approach to help her patients…
Exclusive: Opponent Clarifies Which Armpit He’s Using for His Graveyard
After a request from a confused opponent, local Modern tournament regular, Tim “Always Scam” Thompson clarified which of his armpits…
Bludgeoned Enemy NPC Unconscious Due to Serious, Life Threatening Brain Damage
In a bewildering tragedy, an enemy NPC has been thrust into a perilous coma after a bludgeoning from the protagonist,…
Bye-Bye Judge Academy: WotC to Replace Event Judges with Life-Sized Anthropomorphic Cards Who Moan Until You Buy Stuff
Wizards of the Coast has announced that they will be replacing all human judges at events with anthropomorphic versions of…
Local Game Stores Now Accept Black Market Organs in Exchange for Disney Lorcana Product
In a groundbreaking business model shift, local game stores across the nation have begun accepting black market organs as valid…
Players Can Now Return Unwanted Magic: The Gathering Cards to be Placed In New Booster Packs and Sold Back To Them
In a groundbreaking initiative that is sure to be hailed as the epitome of sustainability and definitely not a sly…
Breaking: JRPG Protagonist’s Sword a Reasonable Size
In an unprecedented move, the latest JRPG features a protagonist whose sword is, against all odds, a reasonable size. The…
Ahsoka Season Finale to Reveal New Character with Normal Eye Color
In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves throughout the Star Wars fanbase, sources close to the production of the…