The recent wave of layoffs at Hasbro sparked contempt among Magic: The Gathering players. Despite the overwhelming agreement within the community that it was a dick move, unrelenting enthusiasm for purchasing their playing cards has remained intact.
“I did my part in booping Hasbro on the nose and saying ‘bad’ on my twitter feed once I saw the news,” said Jeff Simmons, an avid MTG player. “Sure, the layoffs are a bummer, but this new Secret Lair is sick, and I need one of the twelve cards. Who knows, maybe if everyone buys even more stuff Hasbro will have enough money to hire those people back!”
“What can I say? The spice must flow,” said Geni Kellin, 24. “Sure we’re rewarding a company who’s obviously never seen A Christmas Carol, but there are new Magic: The Gathering cards. Until someone finds a way to put a picture and words on a card without giving Hasbro money what do you expect us to do? Not buy cards? How does that even work? When a new set comes out you do … what exactly?”
“Ever since the layoffs there’s been a shadowy figure in a top hat and monocle lurking behind the register at my LGS. It was weird at first, but it’s kind of nice to hear a hearty, maniacal laugh every time I buy more MTG product. You can’t really help but laugh along with him. It’s pretty infectious.”
A recent poll asked if Hasbro’s new headquarters featuring a giant glowing eye floating above a tower made from intact skeletons would have any impact on spending habits. The majority of players, about 84%, said no while 14% said they would skip a set or two. The remaining 2% wrote in various jokes about the phallic nature of the structure.