In a recent press conference, Wizards of the Coast clarified some vague details regarding casting spells in the MTG universe. In order to make the game’s lore more relatable, a series of canonical announcements were made, including specifics. For example, as it turns out, summoning a creature is a lot like ‘taking a huge dump.’
The statement was made by lead designer Barry Jenkins. “Just think about it,” Jenkin’s explained. “You’re building up resources, waiting for the right moment, and then… sigh. What a relief. A blocker. Don’t act like resolving a creature isn’t highly satisfying. Summoning creatures is a release, a way to let go of what you’ve been holding onto – strategically, of course. It’s about timing, patience, and ultimately clogging up the battlefield.”
Fans expressed their confusion surrounding the announcement.
“No one asked,” said Marvin Nash. “It’s a little unsettling. Do they mean like, the planeswalker feels the creature coming out of their butt or something? Is it painful big, or the kind that should hurt, but-it-doesn’t-so-it-feels-kinda-good big? I always thought a portal opened up and that was that… There’s also so many implications. I mean, what kind of battle is it to summon an Eldrazi? Sweaty I imagine.”
Wizards of the Coast took to reddit to clarify the statements.
“We’re not talking about an actual dump. The complex array of sensory overload experienced by casting a spell is too nuanced and foreign to most people. Best to break it down in a way the dumb-dumbs can understand. Its why on the official canon update you see ‘Creature like poo poo. Sorcery like pee pee.'”
The 13-year-old middle-school kid leading the update also explained that summoning sickness is due to the horrific smell, and instant spells are just like nutting into a tube-sock.