In a bold move that’s shaking up the TCG community, accessory manufacturer “MatRat” has launched its latest product: the “Vintage Shred,” a high-end playmat that comes pre-ripped, giving TCG enthusiasts the distressed look they apparently crave.
“We understand players want to stand out during game nights,” explained MatRat CEO Rip Torn. “What better way to do that than with a playmat that looks like it barely survived a battle with a lawnmower? Our ‘Vintage Shred’ line offers various stages of wear-and-tear, from ‘Slightly Scuffed’ to ‘Was it a cum rag? Seriously, was it?’ Each mat features strategic rips, tears, and stains designed to exude a sense of seasoned gamer history despite being brand new.”
The trend has players thrilled, especially the ones who have been using the same playmat since 1994.
“I just love the rugged, been-through-the-wars vibe,” said local gamer Max Shuffles, “which is why I’ve been using the same playmat since 1998. People used to cringe whenever I played cards on a playmat that has the same texture and sheen as Swamp-Thing. Now I’m treated as if I’m some kind of debonaire prodigy of fashion.”
However, not everyone in the TCG community is on board with this fashion-forward accessory. Critics argue that the pre-ripped playmat defeats the purpose of a playmat and stresses the natural aging process of gaming accessories should remain as an outlier of the hobby’s charm.
“Why would I buy something that’s already ruined?” questioned player Cindy Mintcondition. “Just pour a bunch of litter overtop and let your cats go to town on it if you want to waste a perfectly good playmat. If a bunch of morons want to pay a premium for that I’m happy to help with the process. Playmats are about one thing: protecting your cards. Hell, even bronies are doing everything they can to keep their MLP cards pristine. This is about as smart as pre-ripping your seatbelt or pre-cracking a helmet.”
The latest offering from MatRat, and new best-seller, is a nearly-shredded playmat with a prefaded “Ice Age” logo. While highly fashionable, players are reporting they’re being asked if they “even know what cumulative upkeep is?”