DreadHorde Preparatory Academy, the quintessential institution for the budding RPG monster, has been under fire from parents due to its dated curriculum which teaches young monsters that, above all else, they need to wait in line and take turns attacking protagonists.
“Times have changed,” said the purple version of a Grizzlehorn. “The fact that DreadHorde is still living in 90’s is honorable, but unacceptable. The world isn’t turn-based anymore. So much of what our children will experience happens in real-time, so what’s the point in teaching it? They’re never going to need to any of this when they’re out in the overworld!”
Headmaster Drac O’Lich countered parent’s concerns, expanding on the school’s longstanding traditions and ironclad philosophy.
“It’s the same discussion year after year. Most parents forget about the time where our graduates would rush into battle, all helter-skelter. Trust us when we say the outcome wasn’t any better. Frankly, it was embarrassing. Our curriculum leverages an orderly queue to excel within turn-based combat protocols. New courses like ‘Queue Theory,’ and ‘Strategic Patience,’ aim to instill the budding monster with the discipline to stand idly by, even when a heavily-armed party of adventurers systematically decimate their colleagues right before their eyes. Can’t lose our heads in battle. Unless that’s like, one of your things that’s supposed to happen.”
Critics argue that the curriculum may disadvantage monsters by allowing adventurers to exploit the predictability of their behavior. However, proponents argue that it is a small price to pay for orderly and civilized combat.
Professor Mimi C. Hydra, who teaches “Advanced Line Standing,” argues that the benefits extend beyond the battlefield: “Our graduates will be fully prepared for a variety of real-world scenarios, such as waiting in line at the DMV or patiently awaiting their turn at the grocery store checkout. We are already seen as gruesome, disgusting creatures. That much, we cannot control. Instead we must focus on what we can control: our manners.”
In related news, adventurers have reported an uptick in oddly polite monster encounters, with some creatures even offering constructive feedback and words of encouragement during battle.