A prominent group of Bronies has released a meticulously detailed guide on how to remove protein stains from the limited edition “My Little Pony” MTG cards, for “no reason in particular.”
The guide, which spans a whopping 30 pages, provides in-depth instructions on how to address and remove various protein-based stains from the collectible cards, all while maintaining the integrity of the card surface and ensuring no damage to the depictions of those sensual little ponies. “We just thought it would be useful, you know, just in case,” explained guide co-author, u/Sparkle_Mane42. “Not that we think anyone needs it for any specific reason. It’s just always good to be prepared for any eventuality, right?”
The guide covers a range of potential scenarios and assures readers that the authors are merely providing a public service, and definitely not implying anything untoward about the card owners.
“I was, uh, beating my eggs pretty hard. You know . . . for an omelet. Anyway, I must’ve gotten a little carried away because egg got all over Applejack’s gorgeous little face. Not a lot though because, I uh, already made eggs earlier that day and so, you know, I wasn’t too hungry. I thought my Applejack was ruined but it turns out lots of other people ran into the same issue with their My Little Pony cards. The guide saved my butt.”
However, some within the MTG community have their own theories about the true purpose behind the guide.
“First of all, everyone knows what this guide is for. We’re not stupid. They may say they’re just My Little Pony fans who want to keep their cards pristine at all costs and are creating guides for any possible scenario that might damage their literally useless Magic: the Gathering cards. Read through the lines. This is clearly guerilla marketing by the major sleeve producers to promote sales.”
The editors at The Bored Card, who reviewed the guide for, well, unspecified reasons, want to remind everyone to always use cold water, never hot, when attempting to remove stains.