In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves throughout the Star Wars fanbase, sources close to the production of the Disney+ series “Ahsoka” have leaked the upcoming season finale: a character will be revealed without highly distracting color contacts.
Taking a bold step away from the traditional Star Wars narrative, this unanticipated development does not introduce a new power or Jedi secret. Rather, it presents a character showcasing natural eye color and an unremarkable, everyday hairstyle compliments of the experts at SuperCuts.
Fans around the globe, renowned for accepting only the most realistic and scientifically accurate depictions in their space operas, have taken to social media to voice their concerns.
“I find it completely unbelievable that in a galaxy filled with telekinetic space wizards, laser swords, and faster-than-light travel, a character could have brown fucking eyes,” tweeted one distraught fan. “There’s already like, two of them in the show. Adding a third will shatter any semblance of suspension of disbelief remaining. You’re telling me that a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away they didn’t have rainbow irises? You’re better than this, Disney.”
Responding to the uproar over the producers’ daring decision, a staff member shared a glimpse into the turmoil within the production’s team.
“The makeup department is in turmoil. They fear this trend might cascade into other character accessories. What’s next? Wookies demanding to reveal their naturally smooth palms? Droids advocating for the fleshy puppeteers to take center stage? Might as well put aliens in a Taco Bell uniform, or smuggling pirates into a 2012 Corolla. There’s no going back from this.”
Depending on fan feedback, the producers of Ahsoka may continue with their plan in season two to replace all lightsaber duels with broomstick fights out back of the local Subway sandwich shop.