Marvel Snap enthusiast, Ethan Parker, has recently embarked on a new relationship, causing a stir with his ex upon discovering his new partner is an inked variant.
“I’m truly happy for them,” remarked ex-lover Aria Thompson, swiftly closing Parker’s Facebook profile. “It’s commendable that he chose to be with an inked variant, given the common perception. If Ethan wants Zebra babies that’s his choice. Also, it’s 2023, time to step out of the silent film era and embrace the modern world. We’ve got internet and Starbucks, Avery. She’s entirely mismatched for him. Not that I’m concerned, I genuinely don’t spare them a thought.”
Thompson’s close friends disclosed the toll the breakup has taken on her.
“She’s struggling,” shared Thompson’s best friend, Cindy Bennett. “She broke down seeing her grandma’s album of black and white photos and now avoids any part of the Wizard of Oz before Dorothy reaches Oz. As her best friend, she has my sympathy, but honestly, she brought this upon herself. Ethan is a wonderful guy and didn’t deserve to be cheated on. Aria tried justifying it, claiming the other guy was a gold split, which is hot as fuck, but it’s no excuse.”
Thompson continued to express her strong feelings, evidently still affected by the breakup.
“He’s only attracted to her because of her rarity. It’s similar to how red-heads, often perceived as unusual and unappealing, get labeled as ‘exotic’ due to their uniqueness,” Thompson articulated, fervently writing on her bedroom wall with crayons. “Consider this—does anyone prefer watching movies in black and white over color? Have you ever seen a modern black and white television? People are deceiving themselves if they think the absence of color is somehow superior to its presence.”
At the time of press, Thompson was observed stalking the new couple, armed with a bucket of paint.