We sat down to speak with a local box of Dragon Shield sleeves who maintains the hope that no one decides to shove a whole bunch of bulk inside it. Like really gets a ton in there, way more than you’d ever expect it to hold.
“It’s hard to imagine anything other than 100 Dragon Shield brand sleeves inside you,” said the Matte Purple box. “It’s what I am designed for. 100 Dragon Shield sleeves. No more. It would be such a shame if someone were to decide they want to start stuffing me full of bulk, especially if they lack sufficient storage for a swelling number of unwanted cards. They might fill me up, then think that they couldn’t possibly fit more. I sure hope they stop there. It would be highly unfortunate for me if they tried to jam even more bulk in there. My neat little box would get all stretched out. No, I would most certainly be opposed to something like that.”
Though we hadn’t asked a question yet, Dragon Shield Matte Purple went on unprompted.
“If I were to get too stretched out, I might end up as one of those boxes at the local game store. You know, the one where every single player dumps all their unwanted draft chaff. One after the other. Over and over again. I am not designed for such a thing, and it would be a travesty if I ever found myself in such an unfortunate situation, forced to gorge on cards dropped by every single person at the end of a long Friday Night Magic. I’m not that kind of box, nor should I ever be used in such a way. Why, if that many cards ended up packed inside me, I would become distended, and my corners might tear a little as my seams hold on for dear life.”
Dragon Shield Matte Purple went on as we tried to leave.
“The other thing I really hope no one ever discovers is that my bottom flap opens just as well as the top. Everyone thinks you need to shove cards in from the top, but sometimes after a few drinks I wish someone would realize it works just as well the other way around. After all, my construction is symmetrical. In other words, it doesn’t really matter which end you’d like to use as it’s just a matter of perspective. Though I will say it sometimes works better if you lay me down flat if you’re going to stuff me from the rear.”
At time of press, we finally left the interview while Dragon Shield Purple Matte requested some ice packs and scotch tape.