“I’m a Blue Mage” and Other Baffling Responses to Girlfriend’s Inquiries about Her Missing Underwear
SEATTLE, Wash. — Local power couple Lamar Smith and Keke Umbridge found themselves in the throes of a heated discussion…
August 2023
Rigged Magic Arena Shuffler Also Main Cause of Erectile Dysfunction
A newly published study concluded that the undoubtedly rigged shuffler in Magic Arena is not only the rationale for every…
Internal Monologue Positive a New Commander Deck Will Fix Everything
Of course, things are tough right now. Everything is expensive. People are scary. Traffic is insane. Your posh work-from-home situation…
Cowboy Theme Selected for New Magic: The Gathering Set Instead of Fireman or Slutty Nurse
RENTON, Wash. — Insider sources showed reporters how Wizards of the Coast arrived at the decision to proceed with the…
I Chose a Female Commander and Now Understand the Plight of Women
Of the very few number of women I’ve been close with, they all had one thing in common. Whine, whine,…
Wizards of the Coast Adds Optional ‘Have a Cry’ Phase Before End Step
RENTON, Wash. — Magic: The Gathering’s turns are divided into phases which guide players through the process of playing lands,…
New Stanley 10-Compartment Organizer Fits 10 Stanley 10-Compartment Organizers
NEW BRITAIN, Conn. — In response to the popular Stanley 10-Compartment Organizer, adopted by Magic: The Gathering players due to…
Five Commander Masters Legends that Definitely Couldn’t Beat Up My Dad
Azusa, Lost but Seeking No way this hippie even comes close with those slim-jim arms. Yeah, she’s lost but seeking…
Guy Emphasizes Each of His Reanimator Plays by Muttering ‘Just Like Jesus’
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — Remus Burrough, armed with his Nethroi, Apex of Death commander deck, sat down for a casual…
Guy Who Sorts His Bulk Still Going to Buy The Common Rather Than Look For It
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Resident Baker Williamson took to the internet to buy a playset of a commons he needs,…