Look, okay. I get that you can’t have every Disney character and prop in the first go, okay? But Cinderella is iconic. She’s an evergreen character that is holding hands with Mickey fucking Mouse while singing ‘Let it Go’ for the hundredth time. If you’re going to have Cinderella, you need her glass slipper. And her feet. It’s a must. Without it, Lorcana simply isn’t there for me.
Let’s just appreciate, for a moment, okay, just how brilliant of a plot device the glass slipper is. It represents so much more than lost love. It’s synonymous with hope. Desperation. Okay? To experience the pinnacle of desire for just a fleeting moment and be left with a simple, yet ever-present reminder of what could have been.
Some people look at it and say, ‘It’s just a shoe that’s made of glass,’ and yeah it is. A shoe that allows people to see feet even though they are wearing something that typically hides feet. That’s ripe with metaphor, layers upon layers of meaning, and just the fucking sexiest thing, like, ever. Like, you have the shoes on, but the feet. They’re right there, okay? And you can see them. In the shoe. Like they weren’t wearing any shoes, but they are.
I’ve always imagined, many times, okay, like what it would be like to go around to every single hot young woman in an entire kingdom and be like, hey let me see your feet I need to see if this fits. It sounds like a lot of work, but it’s not, okay? Like, you see the feet and you slide them into the slipper and it doesn’t fit. And then the next one doesn’t fit. And you think, holy fuck is this my rock I’m doomed to push up a hill? Is this my entire life?
Constantly looking at and touching feet attempting to find my true love is a lot of work. You know what, true love doesn’t exist, but I’m the kind of guy to keep trying. Isn’t that what Lorcana is supposed to do? Make me feel like I’m the one carrying around Cinderella’s Glass Slipper? The key to fucking feet city? How is this not in the game?
I’ve been in touch with Disney, okay and like they wanted me to do a Marvel movie, but I was just like, look, listen you give me a card for Cinderella’s Glass Slipper in Lorcana and a character card for Cinderella’s feet and you got yourself a deal.