In a recent event that may cause reality itself to implode, Funko Trading Cards which depict characters from Magic: The Gathering will get a Secret Lair release, thus creating an unstoppable feedback loop of IP crossovers, worrying scientists worldwide.
“Funko Trading Cards were the catalyst to all this, sort of creating the three-body problem of cardboard rectangles. It’s difficult to explain in terms the layman can understand, but essentially if a Funko Trading Card of a Magic: The Gathering trading card is then given a Secret Lair treatment as planned, it will inevitably create a new Funko Trading Card based on the Secret Lair version of the Funko Trading Card Magic: The Gathering Card.”
While it doesn’t sound too bad, scientists went on to explain the repercussions.
“Its inevitable success due to the combined expendable incomes of MTG and Funko Pop fans will then cause a cascading feedback loop of IP crossover products to enter into the market at an exponential velocity. Eventually this reality will run out of space for stacks of Secret Lair-Funko-Magic Trading Cards, and all their resulting permutations. We think that due to this build-up it will, mathematically speaking, fuck everyone’s shit up.”
Physicists at CERN held a press conference today to answer questions and address concerns.
“The open secret in physics is that as we learn about reality and how it functions, we’re finding more evidence pointing to reality as we know it being a simulation. Without going into too much detail, there’s a growing concern from my colleagues that the planned release of a Secret Lair Funko Trading Card Magic: The Gathering card could be the experiment that could test this theory. The only issue is, if the experiment is successful and proves our reality is a simulation it might mean the end to the entire universe.”
In response to the explosive announcement, reporters asked that if reality were to cease to exist, would it have a negative impact on the stock market, and thus shareholder profits.