BEDFORD, Conn. — Becky and Paul Legume welcomed baby Pippy to the world last week. The couple were thrilled to discover their first-born is foiled, but like most foil infants she had significant curl. After some tips from reddit on flattening your foil baby, they are keeping her under a stack of heavy books between feedings.
“It’s one of those things you know can happen, but don’t really prepare for,” said Becky. “You don’t think about the thickness of your books when you’re getting ready to have a baby. Even when you think you’ve prepared for every possible scenario parenthood still finds a way to throw unexpected things your way. But like they say, it takes a village, so it’s much easier to manage when you have the support of family, friends, and your public library.”
Pediatric Specialist Dr. Marco Robinson explained this and other techniques parents of foil babies can employ in order to flatten them.
“The book method usually does the trick, but sometimes there are other factors to consider when flattening a foil infant. Many parents, first-time especially, aren’t aware that environment can be a main cause of curling—more specifically humidity. We use specially designed baby Tupperware to store the child in. Simply line the bottom with a paper towel, give it a few sprits of filtered water from a spray bottle, seal it, and leave them to sit overnight.”
Some report that the process is cruel and if a foil child is curled then it was meant to be.
“To the layman it may seem excessive or even cruel to the foil child,” Dr. Robinson continued. “The pressure is actually quite pleasant for the baby, serving as a sort of weighted blanket. Infants are used to being fairly compressed in utero so in many ways they find a heavy stack of books to be comforting. People often forget that cranial remolding helmets are quite common. Like this process, it provides gentle, persistent pressure to help the infant’s skull form correctly. The act of flattening out your baby with your hardcover collection of Brandon Sanderson’s Stormlight Archives isn’t all that different.”
In related news, parents of twin foil babies reported success by placing the infants back-to-back then using their second crib to sandwich them together after lining the nursery with silica gel packets.