In the throes of addiction, it can be hard to know when to stop. To know when it’s too much. Yes, we can seek the advice of others, but those entrenched in the world of Magic: The Gathering are familiar with a global lack of fiscal responsibility when faced with the fear of missing out. Not to worry. In fact, it’s easy to save money on Magic: The Gathering by simply giving your credit card to Harlow, the thrifty neighborhood squirrel.
“It all starts with a budget,” said Harlow. “If I’m getting ready for winter, I am going to compare my income and outflow in order to deduce solvency. It’s quite simple. I spent a while drawing comparisons between how I procured my nest egg of nuts and human’s lack of fiscal knowledge to find a way to solve their budgetary burdens. However, after numerous failures I concluded that even though I wield the squirrel kingdom’s breadth of pecuniary knowledge, human’s impulsive nature always wins out. Now, I merely suggest people hand over their credit card so I can hold onto it.”
Harlow went on to outline the difficult task in managing the spending habits of cardboard hoarders.
“There are a lot of nuts in the world. Lots of flavors, shapes, and sizes. One thing every squirrel learns at a young age is to come to terms with the fact that you’re never going to get all of them. The urge will be with you at all times, but you have to ignore it. Start to learn the difference between wants and needs. Of course, I’d love to shove nuts in my mouth all day, but I’ve got things to do and cold weather to prepare for. It’s these ideals which are the saving grace of those helpless fools who’ve grown dependent on cardboard crack.”
The Magic: The Gathering community’s reaction has been generally positive to Harlow’s assistance.
“Before Harlow I was struggling to find a realistic budget which allowed me to buy every single new product Wizards of the Coast released while affording the luxury of living indoors. When I went to Harlow, I thought he wouldn’t be able to help me save money on Magic: The Gathering. Rather than fixing my budget, Harlow fixed me. He showed me that I didn’t need to buy every new MTG product! Saying it out loud makes it sound so simple, but in its simplicity lies its genius. Rather than lining my shelves with boxes of cards I will never use, I purchase the cards I will use. With Harlow’s permission of course as he’s the gatekeeper of my credit card. Thanks, Harlow.”
Due to Harlow’s success, other enterprises have spawned to help Magic: The Gathering players navigate the intricate economy. New to the scene is Charlize, the spider-monkey whose sole purpose is to lock you in a closet whenever your internal monologue tries to convince you that building yet another commander deck is a good idea.