SEATTLE, Wash. — Local power couple Lamar Smith and Keke Umbridge found themselves in the throes of a heated discussion after she questioned her boyfriend about several missing pairs of her underwear. Smith’s only response was a bizarre retort that he’s “a blue mage”, sources living next to the couple’s thin apartment walls confirmed.
“I asked what that even means,” Umbridge said. “I just need clean underwear to get ready to go to work. I know I had at least one clean pair. I checked last night.” Thinking that he had moved them or misplaced them between the time she checked and when she began getting ready for work, she asked Smith if he had seen them.
Smith denied any involvement.
“She’s always blaming me,” Smith told reporters. “Every time she missing underwear or finds her vibrator tucked under my pillow its somehow my fault. I don’t know why it’s out of batteries! Why are you asking me?”
Umbridge, unconvinced Smith had nothing to do with the missing items pressed her position further.
“I said I wasn’t mad if he did. People have all sorts of weird kinks and if that’s his thing it wouldn’t bother me. I just want him to be honest with me about it. When I told him that he just looked at me and said ‘counterspell’ and moved on like that settled things.” Umbridge conceded, not wanting to draw out the discussion further.
Following up with the couple Smith finally admitted to the theft and they reconciled though now Umbridge questions the viability of their relationship for the long term due to Smith now asking Umbridge to “pay the one”—referring to underwear—every time she asks a favor of him.