LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Resident Baker Williamson took to the internet to buy a playset of a commons he needs, even though he almost certainly has them in his massive collection of bulk he spends a majority of his free time sorting and organizing.
“I mean, they’re a few cents each,” said Williamson. “It takes a lot less time to click this mouse than it does to search for them in my dozens of boxes of bulk. They’re buried in the back of my closet anyway. I don’t even remember which box they’re in since I always sort by artist rather than something stupid like color, rarity, or set. Also, I don’t feel like moving my foldable bike. It’s hard to get it to fit right once everything is moved.”
Sources confirmed Williamson was asked what the point of spending so much time sorting thousands of cards was if he never intends on using them.
“Use them?” Williamson asked. “People still do that? You might want to check your sources on that because I don’t think that’s a thing anymore. Magic has always been about investing. If the game was about building decks and playing with them, why would they only sell cards in random packs? You’d never be able to build anything you want buying packs of cards.”
Though some call Williamson’s purchase wasteful, card sellers like Kellen Tiler of Squardboard Things think it’s the right move.
“The best orders usually start with laziness. They buy the cards they need from me instead of having to look for them, then they start buying more, usually to meet the free shipping minimum. Suddenly the cards that cost a few pennies each end up being a $30-$40 order. Magic: The Gathering is such a good investment. A shame no one plays the actual game anymore.”