Mail Carrier Knows It’s a Problem
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Mary Simmons—mail carrier for habitual card shopper Gerald Emery—noticed a concerning amount of packages from a variety…
August 2023
New Marvel Snap Locations Include Hotdog Line at Costco
ORANGE COUNTY, Calif. — Marvel Snap creators Second Dinner announced they’re adding a swath of new locations to the game,…
DIY: Get Free Magic Arena Gems Using Grandma’s Home Equity
We all want free Magic Arena gems and by using this DIY guide, you can pull the handle of the…
Ratio of Commander Decks to Intact Underwear Concerning
WARSAW, N.Y. — Molly Shanta became concerned after discovering her new boyfriend’s dismal amount of clean, intact underwear despite owning…
Board State Not in the Right Place to Commit To Another Permanent Just Yet
Local board state reeling over a recent loss cited that they’re still not in a “right place” as they passed…
Lorcana Desperately Needs Cinderella’s Glass Slipper (Guest Article by Quentin Tarantino)
Look, okay. I get that you can’t have every Disney character and prop in the first go, okay? But Cinderella…
Return to Eldraine: ‘Wilds’ Narrowly Beat Out Alternate Concept, Waffle House of Eldraine
ELDRAINE — After the success of Magic’s initial visit to the plane of Eldraine, the fabled return was inevitable. Though…
Gurmag Angler Successfully Lures Prey by Flaunting Livable Wage
SWAMP — A pleasantly full Gurmag Angler reported its newfound success in luring delicious prey was due to its promise…
Local Man “Dealt A Bad Hand in Life” Unaware it was a No-Lander After Mulling to Four
CHICAGO, Ill. — James Parish, down on his luck yet again, told reporters he’d hit a new low, chalking it…
Flyer for Local Modern Tournament Completely Illegible
SALEM, Mass. — Flyer for a new local game store, holding a Modern tournament in order to increase awareness, was…