Hey you. Yeah, you! Your favorite Commander sucks! Also, you suck for thinking you’re favorite commander is good. What kind of dumb-dumb would make a whole deck around that? Sheesh, don’t you have access to the internet? Couldn’t you have taken five whole minutes to use bing.com and find out for yourself?
Even if someone were to run that terrible commander, all they’re card choices are bad and wrong and we’re totally going to allude to more optimal cards, but never really say which ones. But we will shove as many ads and affiliate links down your throats. Where’s the actual content? Who knows! Which download link is real? Is that video part of the content or … nope just Toyota.
Yeah we know you disagree and sure hope you don’t get all riled up in the comments about it. It would be the worst if you than linked to our bad take on every social media site. If you do that than everyone else would start dogpiling on our website and leaving all kinds of engagement and clicks mean comments. That would totally be the worst.
Meanwhile we’re going to make a recipe video where we make chicken or something by sticking it in the muffler of a car then boil some beef patties in water to make some burgers. I sure hope a bunch of people don’t engage with that to tell us how unsanitary and wrong we are for trying cook rice on a George Foreman grill.
If you need us we’re going to be out back all afternoon cutting the top off an electric kettle to make a DIY queso warmer. If we did that a whole bunch of people might start sharing this content to all their friends who “Can’t believe how stupid some people are.” Sure hope that doesn’t happen.
In response were sure to gaslight everyone by rejecting claims that we’re ragebait, and maintaining our position by doubling down in face of substantial quantities of objective evidence to the contrary. Fake news. Shill. Houseplant. Not everyone has the capacity to live in a fabricated reality where objective fact become mere vapor in the face of a held opinion. It requires a mental fortitude few possess and even fewer can maintain. We smart. Your probably not even using the new right kind of math in your games are you?
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go make a statement on r/magictcg that’s a little bit wrong so Magic’s legions can get that little hit of dopamine from a public display of there encyclopedic knowledge of the game. Toodles.